Is it possible I could have been bipolar for a long time?

Is it possible that I could have been bipolar since I was young? I have recently been looking into this disorder bc I know I have problems. I have not been diagnosed or even seen a dr about this. But I have always been depressed, severely, since I was young. I am now 32 and it is really overtaking me now, but when I look at all the symptoms, a lot fit me now and a lot fit me back when I was a teenager and young 20's. Im not sure if it is something my mother ignored and never sought out. I have mentioned it to her since and she says I just need to grow up and that I don't have disorder, and no she is not dr. Please help. I can't even find a Dr locally who excepts my ins. I really need to go but I'm scared they will commit me and take my kids away. That's the only reason I have never been. I don't pose a threat to anyone except myself. I don't want to die, just want to hurt myself. I hate myself. Some days are very low and some are very high.What do you know about bipolar?