How can i rephrase this?

"I am suffering lack of freedom, which I had accidently created, even though I might seem as a strong happy powerful woman, I still am just as unlucky as all other women here in Gilead, as a matter of fact the handmaids are luckier, they can have children, and I can’t, all what I have is the power which everyone thinks I have but I don’t, all what they care about is who sits at the top of the female social ladder. I used to be a famous gospel singer for crying out loud, I sang in public, I was famous, now I cannot do this anymore, I am not even allowed to sing to myself, I sometimes hum some music very softly as I am gardening, only when I am on my own, making sure no one hears me."